John Cooper Clarke - “Day My Pad Went Mad”
I’m ankle deep in human waste The toilet has been clogged Marrowbone jelly all over the place I don’t even have a dog The man upstairs he grabs my arm Saying don’t I know your dad All I could hear were the fire alarms The day my pad went mad
All I could hear were the fire alarms The day my pad went mad
The kitchen has been ransacked Ski trails in the hall A chicken has been dhansaked And thrown against the wall In walks this dumb waiter With a fountain pen and pad Saying how do you want this alligator The day my pad went mad
Saying how do you want this alligator The day my pad went mad
The hamster had been slaughtered The parrot bound and gagged The guard dog had been sorted out And absolutely shagged The goldfish drowned, the cat was found Kicked around and stabbed The radio did not make a sound The day my pad went mad
The radio did not make a sound The day my pad went mad
The pop-up toaster refused to pop The chandelier was smashed The starter motor would not stop The tyres had been slashed There was no way out of there I was stuck with what I had Out of order, beyond repair The day my pad went mad
Out of order, beyond repair The day my pad went mad
Yesterday I had the place rewired And slung out all of my junk A tumble dryer and a two bar fire And a telephone now defunct I peeped through the venetian blinds And the rain fell down so sad On the broken home I left behind The day my pad went mad On the broken home I left behind The day my pad went mad
Roger McGough - The Sound Collector
The whistling of the kettle The turning of the lock The purring of the kitten The ticking of the clock The popping of the toaster The crunching of the flakes When you spread the marmalade The scraping noise it makes The hissing of the frying pan The ticking of the grill The bubbling of the bathtub As it starts to fill The drumming of the raindrops On the windowpane When you do the washing-up The gurgle of the drain The crying of the baby The squeaking of the chair The swishing of the curtain The creaking of the stair A stranger called this morning He didn't leave his name Left us only silence Life will never be the same.
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